You don’t see what I see.
Do you know that I can see them?
No. Really.
If you wanted, I could tell you what they looked like.
I could describe them for you,
Standing in the corners…
Shadowed.
Still.
Mocking.
You don’t feel what I feel.
Do you know that I can feel them?
No. Really.
The breathing on my back,
The trickle running,
Sweaty,
Down my spine,
Do you know that I can hear them?
Their voices are the silence.
I can hear the sound of silence.
I can feel the hands of shadows,
And I can see them.
Standing there.
No. Really.
You don’t know what I know.
Do you know that I know it?
Fear?
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140,536 Literary Works • 673,408 Reviews
wonderfully written very nice I really loved it
I won't annoy you about grammar so don't worry LOL I like the way you started off the poem by saying you can see them and asking if the other person wanted to know what they looked like it added a frightful sense to the main character like they didn't fear talking about it or it's that they are so scared that they need to tell someone to stay connected with reality
You amaze me.
This poem actually scared me a little. I had to fight off the urge to look in the corners of the room for something coming at me.
The only thing that kept me from doing so is that I didn't want to take my eyes of off such great writing.
Ya that sounds lame, but it's true.
If I had to criticize it, I would say make it just a little bit longer. Not a lot longer, just a few more lines.
I like it alot.
I love the tension in this first part. The single word lines really drive the feeling home.I like that you chose to use first person and address the reader. That makes it much more pointed and personal.
The repetition of "No. Really." is cool. I actually think that you should have used it in the last stanza, but maybe that would have been too much. you'd have to play around with it.
My least favorite part is the ending.
I don't like second line or ending it with a question. The tone has been so real and almost commanding the reader to see "them", I think you should end with a statement, not a question. It seems timid and weak compared to the earlier lines.
I think it's very strong, except for the end. Me like.